I'm not "cool" like you...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:12:06 GMT

So, I gave my two weeks' notice this morning. I just couldn't take the job anymore. I figure, if I draw a blank on how to direct a woman being chased by a man with a gun, I don't need to be doing the job anymore. Here's to hoping I can find something else that pays more than 9 per hour.

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 06:28:12 GMT

So, I have a job. I am a 9-1-1 operator for the city of Longview. Although it isn't my dream job, I am really thankful to have it. The pay is pretty good and I have benefits. I am still thinking about getting my teaching certificate later, but I am happy for now. Who knows, I may end up falling in love with it and sticking around. It's really difficult for me to tell what will happen at this point, because I am still in training and I'm pretty unsure of myself on the phones. From what other peoplee have said to me about their experiences, it will probably take me about a year to be fully trained.

Everything else is pretty good. I took Stephan to the dentist today because he has a few wisdom teeth that need to come out. The atmosphere of the clinic was bizarre. It was a very large place and they run people in and out of there in a flash. Stephan was called back for x-rays as soon as it was time for his appointment--it was practically on the dot! All of the doctors and nurses were completely perfect and tan and looked like they should be working in a plastic surgeon's office. They all wore headsets, too...I don't know what that was about. The actual consultation with the doctor lasted about 2 minutes, during which time I found out that they do nothing there but remove teeth. Maybe I've been sheltered, but I was not aware that there were any places that specialized to such an extreme degree. He really needs a good cleaning and all, so I suppose we'll take him somewhere else after we have his wisdom teeth out.

Stephan is in school studying welding. He is really enjoying it and I'm proud of him. He has a perfect average in his math class, too! What can I say, my Stevey is smart!!

Things are good for the moment! I can't wait to see Watchmen again. Stephan and I bought it yesterday but we haven't had time to watch it yet.

Well, I should go find something with which to occupy myself for the rest of the night (besides food). I have to try to stay awake since I am going to the 6PM-6AM shift on Monday.

"Octo mom"=Angelina Jolie?

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 07:01:41 GMT

I watched the Academy Awards tonight. I don't know what it is, but I like watching awards shows to see all of the pretty people and pretty dresses. It's really lame and shallow, but I admit...I enjoy it. I wish I could get all dressed up like that for something, just once. I thought that Kate Winslet looked beautiful. I was glad to see that Jolie and Pitt didn't win best actress and best actor, respectively. Although I didn't see either of the movies for which they were nominated this year, I do think that they are two of the most over-hyped celebrities ever. I have enjoyed movies of theirs in the past, but I really don't think that either of them is a stellar talent. Brad Pitt isn't even my pick when it comes to good-looking men; I far prefer Johnny Depp or Jude Law (who have loads of talent, in my opinion). I think that Angelina Jolie is pretty, but I also think that there are many other women who are equally pretty (Kate Winslet, Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway for instance) who receive less attention because they don't go on baby binges and sleep with Brad Pitt. Also, I don't know if I'm off my rocker, but I really think that the "octo mom" woman looks a lot like Angelina Jolie. Is it just me? I think that she's kinda like Jolie might look without makeup in a few years.

Anyway, I didn't see all of the movies that were up for awards. I kept meaning to see them, but it seems like there are too many to keep up with. I still want to see Slumdog Millionaire. Stephan bought The Dark Knight, but I still haven't watched it. I keep forgetting about it. I didn't get to go to the theater with him to see it because I had to work. I also want to see Revolutionary Road and Wall-E. Ah, I don't know. Movies are so expensive to see in theaters; I usually have to wait to rent them at Hastings. The only problem there is that I have usually forgotten that I wanted to see them by the time they get to dvd.

We didn't buy a timeshare!

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 03:00:26 GMT

Well, Stevey and I had a nice Valentine's Day. We celebrated on Thursday since he has to work tonight. He surprised me on Wednesday morning with flowers, chocolate and a card in which he wrote a bunch of mooshy stuff (my favorite), so I have no complaints. I gave him a t-shirt with a Dalek on it from Dr. Who that says "exterminate" across the top; it's a private joke of ours. I never watched that show before I met him, but the Daleks crack me up. Every time he watches it, I walk around for the rest of the day saying "ex-TER-MIN-ATE" like one of the Daleks in their weird British/robot accent. He liked it :). I also made him a valentine mailbox--like the ones people make in elementary school for Valentine's Day parties--and filled it with some cool dinosaur valentines (holographic!!) and other valentines that I made myself. He also got candy and some astronaut ice cream.

Anyway, I got a call on Tuesday night about some sweepstakes thing I had entered at the mall. I remembered entering it, but I just thought it was a drawing for the car that was on display. It turns out that it was one of those thingies where they contact you about going to a timeshare presentation. Anyway, they swore to me, up and down, that it was legitimate and that the least I would walk away with was 500 bucks and a forty-dollar prepaid card to use on whatever we wanted. So, we decided to go over there on Thursday to check it out. I had sort of low expectations because of what everyone had told me about these things, but it turned out in our favor. We ended up with a two-day trip to Las Vegas (airfare and hotel) and a five-day, four-night trip (hotel only)--our choice of Aruba, Maui, Oahu, Jamaica or Puerto Rico--the forty dollar card and an extra hundred dollars for gas or food. I am not stupid enough to think that we will be staying in really high-end resorts, but it will be a new experience; I am really happy that we went!! I do feel a little bit guilty that we didn't even have to take the tour, though (on account of my unemployment) but they did already know before we drove over there that I am jobless. We have a little while to register and then a year after that to complete our travel. I really kind of want to go to Puerto Rico.

We used our forty-dollar card to buy dinner at our favorite restaurant and made sure to bring back food for my mommy. It was yummy.

Maybe I'll develop some self-confidence!!

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 08:35:26 GMT

Well, I've been sick for the last few days and I haven't felt much like updating. I am feeling better now. Yay!

Anyway, there are no new developments on the job front. But, in all honesty, I haven't been looking very hard in the past week or so. I had been feeling really discouraged about it, but I think I just need to keep my chin up and keep trying. I guess it's just that my panic mechanism was kicking in since I am supposed to start paying back my student loans in a few months. I suppose I can ask for a deferment. I have decided that I will try to get work as a substitute teacher while I complete the courses I need to obtain my internship and subsequent teaching certificate; I have to go to a substitute teacher orientation on the seventeenth in order to be put on the list. I doubt myself too much. Maybe I should try having a bit more self-confidence instead of setting myself up for failure. It's strange how I actually find myself feeling a bit intimidated at the thought of standing in front of a group of junior high school students and presenting myself with an air of authority. Maybe I'll be a really good teacher. Maybe I'll inspire the kids to do their best. I really hope I can.

What I do know is that I have been soooooooo lazy. I seriously haven't done anything since everyone left after the holidays. I need to get up off of my butt. Maybe I'd feel better. If it's warm, I think that Stephan and I may go to Caddo lake this week and have a picnic; we may do some fishing. I think that we both need our spirits to be lifted. He really likes that lake...it's beautiful with all of the spanish moss on the cypress trees. We wanted to go camping there on spring break last year, but the spaces were all booked up by the time we got around to calling; we had to camp at another park. I wish we could plan ahead for a little getaway, but I don't think we'll be able to. We have also been thinking about how much fun it would be to go down to the coast and camp on the beach. I haven't done that since I was a little kid. I loved it, though. Seems like it would be a really romantic kind of trip, too. :)

In other news, I really want to do something special for Valentine's Day. I already know what I am going to get for my mom and dad and sisters...my niece and nephew and Stevey's nephews, but I don't know what I'm going to get/do for Stephan! I want to show him how much I love him. He is so sweet to me...the other day he surprised me with a lava lamp in my favorite colors just because he knew that I had been feeling sorta depressed and he wanted to cheer me up. What a sweetie. I have one gift idea in mind for him, but I don't think it's enough. I know I'll probably bake some cookies for him, too...but I wanted to do something really special. I dunno. I guess I still have a while to think about it! Poems are out, because I wrote one for him last year...hmm...

Well, it's sleep for me.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 08:06:23 GMT

Well, I'm still a big, fat, jobless loser. Apparently, no one wants to hire me, not even for a crappy office job. I don't have any clerical experience and it seems like any position requires at least a year. I haven't even been called for an interview. Ugh. I feel like such a failure. The only places that want me back are Wal-Mart and Whataburger; what does that say about me?

I find it strange that in order to get an office job I need quite a bit of experience, but if I want a job as a teacher's aide or as a substitute I don't need any. How is that logical? Oh well. Those positions also pay a lot less. I think my last resort is to start working as a substitute teacher. I have to attend an orientation of some kind for that, though...the next one isn't until February 17th. After that, I think I'm going to try to get my teaching certificate through an alternative certification program about which I learned from one of my friends. He is about to complete his tests and stuff and it only took him about four months. After that, he has to complete an internship (two semesters) but the position pays the same amount as any first year-teacher would earn. You know, I really didn't think I wanted to be a teacher, even though I like kids. It just seems as though I spent a really long time wishing to be out of school and now I'm resigning myself to a life working in one. Bleh. Kinda backward, isn't it? I also worry that I won't do a good job. I don't know. I feel really uninspired and pessimistic about it, though.

Oh, and I'm developing a sore throat for some reason.

Oh hey, I forgot

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 09:00:23 GMT

LATE New Year's resolutions (I probably won't keep them, but even so.)

I resolve to...

1. Exercise at LEAST 1 hour a day, four times a week.
2. Continue to cook healthy meals and look for new recipes.
3. Do my best with whatever job comes my way and be thankful for it.
4. View each new situation as a learning experience and to quit being so hard on myself for not fitting in.
5. Quit comparing myself to other people.
6. Quit eating based on my emotions and to find healthy outlets for them (painting, exercise, music).
7. Make a conscious effort to be more patient in all situations.
8. Become more organized and orderly.
9. Keep a more normal schedule so that I can perform better as an employee, a family member, a friend, etc. (Says she who is writing this at 3 AM when everyone else is in bed!!)
10. Quit procrastinating so much!!
11. Find more ways to show my family and Stephan that I love them (i.e. cook, clean, cards, random thoughtfulness...)

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 08:48:27 GMT

Well, no job yet. I applied for a clerk position with Health and Human Services. I don't know if I will even get an interview. We'll see. I'm getting a little bummed about this whole job-hunting thing.

But hey, I got new glasses. I was really tired of the old ones because Sadie pulled them off of the table one night and chewed them. The lenses were horribly scratched in a nice little criss-cross pattern. I wore them that way for quite a while, but I'm enjoying my new ones. Maybe I'll take pictures soon.

My dad and I finally put together the drafting table that my sisters bought for me for graduation. I LOVE it. They even bought me a super-cute green chair to match my room! I haven't really felt up to using it yet, though. I have been kinda depressed and at loose ends. I never thought I'd feel so bereft of direction once I graduated. I have been staying up all night and sleeping all day.

Not much new to report other than that. Ugh.

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 05:27:12 GMT

Well, it will be a month on Tuesday since I graduated from college. I am really glad that I stuck it out and earned my degree, but I'm beginning to worry that I won't find a job. There was an editing position available with the Longview newspaper, but I missed out on it by failing to submit my resume while it was still listed. Stevey, Mom and Dad think that I should still send it in, just in case they might keep it on file if they need someone later. I think I might do that, but I don't want to look silly; is it a stupid idea?

I just hope that everything turns out soon. I'm working on my resume right now.

Writer's Block: Untimely Passing

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:34:35 GMT

RIP John Lennon. The list of sudden and unexpected celebrity deaths is long—Princess Di, Heath Ledger, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe, and many more. Which one affected you the most on an emotional level?

View 500 Answers

Well, I find myself procrastinating once again. At least this time, it's during my last week of finals EVER. Anyhow,

I usually don't get too upset when celebrities die...I mean, it's sad, but I don't usually get all down in the mouth about it. I guess that's because I am not one of those people who talks about celebrities as if I actually know them on a personal level. However, I do often feel that deaths like those of Heath Ledger and Kurt Cobain are tragic because those people really gave something to the world. It's doubly sad when it seems that a death (like Kurt Cobain's) had something to do with celebrity status and the inability of the person to deal with it.

Regardless of these considerations, I will say that the death of Mitch Hedberg affected me the most on an emotional level. I actually had a vague case of the blues about it for a week or so. I really love/loved his comedy and I thought it very sad that such an incredibly talented person had private troubles that led him to his untimely demise; drug deaths are always sad in that way--they are such a waste. To think that someone who brought such laughter and light-heartedness into the world was probably battling huge personal demons while putting on a happy face is horribly sad to me. On a more selfish level, I guess I also have an emotional attachment to his comedy because it helped to get me through some times in my life when I was really depressed. I was sad because it meant that I would never get to see him put on a show in person. I had become such a fan of his that I had placed that goal near the top of my list of things to do someday. It was and is sad to me that he will never again be able to inject the world with a dose of his special and very funny view of the world.

Anyhow, I love Mitch Hedberg. At least I can still listen to his albums and appreciate him for the comedic wonder that he was.

Now back to the dreaded week of exams.

Overdue Update

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:06:05 GMT

Here are the pictures I promised!

This is Sadie a day after I found her. She had a severe case of demodex and was wormy and emaciated.

But this is my Sadiekins now:

She still has a few thin spots, but she has come a long way. Some stupid, heartless person really lost out.

More pictures:

Sadie and Mr. Bean

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 23:11:36 GMT

I can't believe that I haven't written on here for so long. I do love my livejournal, but my computer has been down for a long time. I was using Stephan's, but I really don't like having to sit up there on the bed to use it. I missed my good ol' computer. It seems like it's still a little fickle and slow...I may have to take it to the shop...but for now, uninstalling and re-installing aol with a new disk seems to have granted me access to the internet for a bit.

Anyway, what's new in my life...I quit my icky fast food job last month. I am about to graduate in December if all goes well with my finals and my term paper for Spanish Literature. I am SO nervous about it. It's the first time I have ever had to write any kind of formal research paper entirely in Spanish, and I don't know how successful I will be. I need to find someone to edit it when I'm finished, just to make sure it doesn't sound like a six-year old wrote it. I just need to graduate, that's all I know. I was offered an honors project, but that information would have been helpful when I began my time at ETBU since it will take four semesters. I'm not staying for two more years just to finish an honors project. I just want a decent job.

My younger sister is still living in Pennsylvania and doing well in Physician's Assistant school. She now has plans to become an anesthesiologist's assistant or something like that. She may even come back to Texas (where she belongs!:) because she will get paid a lot more here than there, apparently. My other sister found a job in her area that she really likes. She seems to be doing really well with it, too.

Mom also found a job in town. She really likes it, even though her ours suck right now. She is working from 5 PM until 2 AM until she gets to bid for a better shift. I'm just glad that she finally has a job for which I know she is suited AND one that won't hurt her back. She just had back surgery a few months ago and may have to have another one, but her condition did improve after the first.

Stevey and I are still doing well. I really can't imagine that we were ever apart; it seems like we have known each other forever. I love him and I still love spending as much time with him as I possibly can. I really feel lucky that we found each other. I can't wait until we're both finished with school and stuff and can get married and have a few babies. But, until then, we'll just enjoy being together.

My puppies are all doing well. I probably mentioned this already, but I ended up adopting the pit bull that someone dumped out here. Her name is Sadie. She's doing very well now; she doesn't even look like the same dog I found that day. She has a few social issues with the other dogs, but she is a sweet, pretty dog over all. I will post pictures later...maybe even today if I'm still procrastinating on my paper by then! Tehe

On December 11th, my Dad's family is coming into town to help us finish some home projects (and to visit, of course). We're going to finish putting down the flooring and installing doors and light fixtures and stuff...painting walls upstairs. We can't seem to get around to finishing this house on our own, so we need the help. It's nice to have my Dad home. I hadn't seen him for almost a year. In fact, I haven't seen my sister for a year now. I'll be seeing her at Christmas.

Right now, I'm just looking forward to graduation, seeing my family at Christmas, getting a job and the future in general. I'm nervous but excited to see what a new year will bring.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 05:47:03 GMT

Well, maybe I just needed some music. I downloaded some stuff and put it on a cd (until I can snag Stevey's mp3 player tomorrow) and have been listening to it while gettin' stuff done. Suggest to me some good music that makes you wanna get up and dance and/or be productive.

Also, I had forgotten how much I dearly love Prince. I don't think I'll ever think he is not foxy. Although, I don't know if it's bad that his music sometimes makes me want to strip...?

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 01:43:49 GMT

So, life has been okay lately.

I'm finished with school for the semester. I made the Dean's List again for the Spring. However, I took two May-term classes after that and made a C in Christian Ethics. You see, I actually didn't want to take that class, but I needed a certain number of upper-level electives in order to satisfy graduation requirements; it was one of the only classes available. I also took a class called Concepts of Personal Health and Wellness; I made an A in that one. I have one semester left to go--I shall make my glorious escape in December!

I feel pretty optimistic about finding a job once I'm holding my degree. I read that 88% (or so) of employers are more likely to hire a person with an English degree if they don't need someone with a specialized degree. Apparently, it's considered to be a very versatile area of study because of the skills it requires. They are also usually willing to provide job-specific training. I figure that I'll go for any semi-good job that I can get at first until I can get something that I'll really enjoy (perhaps a job as a copy editor).

But, until then, I'm stuck in the gloomy world of minimum wage employment. I can't really find a job that will work with my schedule and give me a week off in August (we're planning a trip to Georgia to visit Stephan's family) besides the minimum wage ones.

I had a job (for a day) working at a local frozen custard place. I hated it. I was the oldest one there--even older than the 20 year-old owner--and they didn't want to train me or help me at all. I spent six hours trying to figure things out by myself while they talked and played and looked annoyed when I asked them anything. They also didn't speak to me the whole time unless it was to bitch about me. Six hours in silence is uncomfortable. I mean, I tried to be congenial...I asked them if they all attended the same school...and got only a "yeah" in reply. Also, I sincerely despise all forms of condescension.

Annnnyway. The owner was supposed to call me the next day to schedule me, but he never did. I waited for two days and then started looking for another job. I got a job at Whataburger the same week (even though I'm a vegetarian, I think I'll prefer working there because the people are older and much more friendly). Four days later, he called Stephan's cell phone and left a message for me to tell me that I was scheduled for work the next day. I told him that I found another job because I assumed I was fired (four days with no communication, duh) and he said, "oh, well, you were scheduled to work Tuesday, but they didn't call you." I don't really think that's my problem. Anyhow, I start my new job on Monday. I just need some money. Stuff is expensive, damn it! Another thing--I had no idea that a smallish (about an inch across) star tattoo on my wrist would be such a big friggin' deal when looking for minimum-wage employment. They wanted me to cover it up at the custard place and Whataburger had to send pictures of it off to the main office to have it approved. I mean, I eat more fast food than I should, so I have seen a fast-food employee or two. Many, many of them have large tattoos and facial piercings. I just never thought I'd run into trouble since I don't think that I'm extremely modified. I guess it's a good thing that I held off on the other tattoos I wanted or I'd really be out of luck.

The puppy I found--the one I mentioned in my last post--is still living with us. I have pretty much decided to keep her. She is very sweet; I named her Sadie. Her mange got a lot worse (it's demodectic, though, so it's not contagious) but we're still treating it and it seems to have at least stopped progressing. With a little more time, it might get better. We're hoping that it hasn't made it to her internal organs, but there is really no way to tell except to watch and wait. She suffered a setback today and I'm really sick about it. Tanteaux, my Catahoula Cur, bit her. I don't know why he did it, and I didn't see it happen, but he bit her on the forehead and ear. Her poor little eye is all swollen shut (I assume because of the trauma to the area above it, because it happened within an hour after the bite) and she has been sulking. I cleaned it and went and bought some low-dose aspirin to break up for her, but I don't know if it's helping yet. It breaks my heart...the poor little girl just can't catch a break. I don't know why Tanteaux bit her!! He's usually so sweet...but he does have some health problems himself, and she plays pretty rough, so she might have gotten him on a sore spot or something. He has severe arthritis because of a joint deformity.

Stephan and I are doing well. I've been a little down in the dumps, but he makes life bearable. I just feel like I can't take care of anything. I think it's a bit of a vicious cycle (circle?). The house is a holy mess and I am too gloomy to properly clean it, but the mess makes me more depressed. I don't know. I need to get off my ass and give it a good scrubbing and I'd feel better, but I can't seem to make it that far. I don't want to tell him that I'm depressed and anxious, or he'll think it's his fault. I know I'd feel better if I could just get things under control again. It really got out of hand because we haven't been able to use the water in the house for much besides hands and dishes (even then, it's limited) because our septic system gave out (faulty pipe) and we haven't been able to have it fixed yet. It's been this way for a couple months now. We have to go next door to the old, bug-infested, dusty, musty, dark, house to shower. It's better than nothing, but it's inconvenient. Luckily, the paperwork has finally been approved and the check has cleared, so they should be coming out any day now to inspect the site and install the new system. I'm just worried that they'll need to come into this mess of a house and I'll die of shame. It's embarrassing enough that we have the washing machine out on the front porch, hooked up to the water hose (total white trash, but better than spending money we don't have at the laundromat). I just need to get motivated and do something with this place. It's terrible.

Also, both of my back tires have somehow gotten holes in them...one had a nail in it...and we plugged it, but the other is still leaking a lot. I have to fill it up with air like twice a day because the guy at Wal-Mart told me it can't be fixed. I don't have the money for new tires right now and it really sucks. I might end up just buying one new tire until I can afford a whole new set. Stephan was borrowing my car to take to work, but now that I have a job, he won't be able to use it. SO, he had to buy a new clutch for his truck and he has been trying to get his transmission back in all day after having installed it. It's such a pain. He has been working on it for a couple days now and I feel bad about it. However, I felt worse when he got a speeding ticket while driving me to school one morning last month. It was ridiculous--$210 for going 13 miles over. I paid half of it after I cashed in a savings bond. I just filed my taxes, so I hope that I get my return soon. I really, really need it.

All that said, I really love my Stevey and I'm glad I have him. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'll never take him for granted. He is the love of my life and the best friend I've ever had. Everything can seem like it's going to hell, but I know that things are going to be just fine.

HELP ME FIND A HOME FOR THIS PUPPY

Wed, 14 May 2008 03:46:23 GMT

I need help! I found a little pit bull puppy at my house today. Someone dumped her out on our road. She has a case of mange (probably demodex) and I'm taking her to the vet tomorrow to start treating it. She is incredibly sweet and has stolen my heart, but I can't keep her because of the things I've read about pit bull temperament in terms of their interactions with other animals. I can't compromise my current pets' happiness, so I need to find her a good, responsible home. I'd say she is about seven weeks old, but I'll know more tomorrow.

If any of you can help me, please let me know. I've already sent out a few emails, but I don't hold out much hope for response.

Day 1

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:26:35 GMT

I weighed myself today. My lard butt is up to 150 pounds. Now, that's not a totally irredeemable weight, but it's bad enough. I used to weigh 130. So, my goal is to lose 20 pounds. I think it's reasonable for me to be able to lose about three pounds a week, so I'll set my weight loss goals accordingly.

--Quit being lazy about food. Eat out less; cook more (good stuff! fresh veggies!!)
--Reduce intake of refined sugars and processed foods in general
--Reduce portion size; eat only until not hungry, not until completely miserable
--Stop snacking from stress!
--Drink more water when hungry
--Use juice machine more often
--Sleep more
--Exercise at least four times a week for forty minutes a day
--Weigh myself every Monday

I think my biggest problem is eating out and eating processed foods. I don't seem to have the time or the energy to cook at all anymore. I constantly snack to cope with stress while I'm studying or working on projects. I hope that I can change that over the summer without school stressing me out. Of course, my summer won't officially start until June when May-mester is over. I think I can do it if I really commit to it this time.

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 00:49:09 GMT

I just finished what may be the most depressing book I've ever read. It was very well-written and even beautiful, but horrible at the same time. It's called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. It's a memoir detailing her life in a really messed-up family. I've never been so angered and saddened by a book in my whole life. I mean, I do get into books; they make me laugh and cry. But, I guess the fact that my reading of choice is usually fiction allows me to maintain an emotional distance. This, on the other hand, was non-fiction; it really got to me. I even had bad dreams about it last night. Just thinking about the horrible neglect and abuse that actual children endured at the hands of selfish, irresponsible, mentally ill parents makes me sick to my stomach. I do recommend it as a very compelling read, though.

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:09:43 GMT

The English department awarded me an $800 scholarship. It's awarded to one student a year who "stands out in the English discipline." I don't know if I really stand out, but I'll take all of the money I can get. My parents are paying for a class that I need to take this summer and that single class is going to cost $1,500.

But anyway, Stephan and I went to the Humanities ceremony today where I received a certificate. I feel special.

The end.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 19:55:31 GMT

Well, it's Sunday afternoon and I'm supposed to be at the laundromat since our septic is currently non-functional. Stephan and I actually considered hauling the washer over to the old house to use it there, but I don't know if I have that much enthusiasm (or strength) considering that we don't have a hand-truck of any kind and we'd have to carry it down a steep hill.

I went to the doctor yesterday because I have been sick with a sore throat and fever since Thursday night. I wondered why my throat was only sore on one side, but it never occurred to me to actually take a gander at it in the mirror. On Saturday morning I finally took a look at in the mirror because I noticed that a large lump had formed on that side of my throat. After looking inside of my mouth, I freaked out (because of my nasty, red, swollen, spotted tonsil) and went to the walk-in clinic. The strep test that they ran came back negative, so they wanted to test me for mono (even though I was pretty sure I didn't have mono). But, nevertheless, they took blood from me (the first time I've had blood drawn as an adult) and I almost passed out. She poked my finger first and said, "you just don't want to bleed" and came back with a tourniquet and needle. Ugh. I hate needles. More specifically, I hate needles being thrust into my veins. Anyway, they said it was a non-strep throat infection and gave me some antibiotics. Today, it feels a little less like I'm swallowing shards of glass when I eat.

I have about a million things to do in the next two weeks. I think a list will help me (and I won't lose it like the last one I made if it's on here).

April 8th

1. Meet with advisor for Fall registration (degree audit)

April 11th

2. Term paper for Adolescent Literature due
3. First draft of term paper for American Renaissance due (in conference)

April 14th

4. Presentation for Adolescent Literature due (Read the book!!)

April 15th

5. Thomas Cole presentation for American Renaissance due

April 17th

6. Term paper for American Renaissance due

April 18th

7. Term paper for Rhetoric and Composition due (All 12 frickin' pages of it)

Get all of this done and then take care of the next few weeks of projects following these. Then take exams. UGGGH. I hate school so much.

*dies*

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:46:04 GMT

I'm procrastinating and I should be shot for it...

but I love my Stephan. I never thought I could be so happy. I am more myself with him than I am without him.

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 04:37:27 GMT

To start out on a positive note, I met Stephan's family this week. They drove from Georgia to spend a couple of days with us. He has a rather large family (a family that definitely doesn't fit into one minivan), but his mom, dad, sister, aunt and two nephews came. A few other people (his brother, sister-in-law, another nephew and a niece) were supposed to come, but I guess that they didn't want to ride strapped to the roof. Anyway, it went very well and they told Stephan that they liked me. They even said I was pretty! They're nice people, but there were a couple of things that Stephan didn't tell me. One of these things is the fact that they are Mormon. I had NO idea. When his mom said that, I thought she was kidding me. I always had the impression that they were Baptists because Stephan told me that he attended a Baptist church as a child. I really have no religious preference, but the only church I ever attended on a regular basis as a child was a Baptist church. I really try not to criticize religion much because I myself hold no very strong convictions about the order and creation of the universe. Many things seem plausible and appealing to me and I have never felt that anything really pulled me to it as a very definite Truth. I do feel that as long as a religion helps people get by and feel that they have a place in the world that it can't be a bad thing. To me, the only poisonous religion is one that is taken to its extreme and strays toward the intolerant. But even so, it threw me for a loop.

We spent time with his nephews and took them to the mall to play miniature golf. We also went to Caddo Lake; it's really pretty out there. We even rented a canoe and took the kids out on the water underneath the cypress trees hung with Spanish moss. When his sister's younger son came in to wake us up before they left yesterday morning, he called us "Aunt Emily and Uncle Stevey." It was very sweet and I'm so happy to have met them. I think we all meshed well--they even love the dogs. His mom gave me a hug and with teary eyes told me to "take care of [her] little boy" before she left. I feel bad, but I love him and I'm glad that he's here with me.

Today was a bad day. I tried to renew the registration on my car and my sister's car but was unsuccessful. Because of a mistake that the loan company made, we had delinquent property taxes for a tiny corner of our property (in the amount of 60 dollars) and they wouldn't let me get the tags. Not only that, but she said that I would need my mother'd i.d. since my name is nowhere on either registration. She's completely wrong, because I picked up my mom's registration just a few months ago WITHOUT an i.d. and had no problems. What kind of sense does that make, anyway? Like I want to pay fifty dollars a pop for someone else's registration. Even if I did want to, why would that be illegal? She got pissy with me and I got pissy back and stormed out. So, now I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't afford another ticket. After all of that, I was stressed so Stephan and I went to get a snow cone since I needed a sugar fix. I felt better and we went home. Things were okay until I tried to do a load of laundry. When it started to drain, the shower and tub and one of the toilets downstairs started to back up. Our septic has been messed up for a while and we need a new system (because even though this one is only three years old, the company that installed it refuses to repair it) and my mom and dad don't quite have the money yet. They patched it up, but it was only a matter of time until it all went to Hell in a handbasket. So, I was cleaning up nasty water and it just kept coming. Finally I got it under control enough to call my parents and they told me we can't use the water here anymore at all. It's going to be like camping at home for at least three weeks. I don't mind camping, but I do have a very stressful few weeks ahead of me and it's annoying that I now have to shower outside (or in the old, spidery, neglected, musty old house of ours next door), pee outside, go to the laundromat and use paper plates. It could be much worse, though. I suppose I should be thankful. It was just a long day. After I finished cleaning up the water and talking to my parents, I had to haul wet towels from the washer to the laundromat and go buy drinking water and disposable utensils. I just feel so worn out after everything today. I am glad I showered this morning. I cleaned up outside under the water hose in my undies earlier (even though it was freaking cold) so I guess I'll just take a shower in the morning.

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:00:08 GMT

It has been a little over a year since Stephan and I met in person. We spent this time last year saying goodbye at the airport. But, while he was here then, we went to the carnival. When it came back to town this year, we went there to celebrate. :)

In front of the mirror house maze. It took us about two minutes. I guess it's just for the chillens.

Ferris wheel! Then I looked up a bunch of scary death stories about carnivals.

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:38:40 GMT

1. What ended your last relationship?
Heck if I know. He didn't want a relationship with me, I suppose. He came back later (all of my exes have returned at some point, some more than once), but I had realized that he wasn't what I wanted by that time. It's all just fine with me, because I found someone who is a million times better for me and now I can't imagine having ended up with one of those others.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Today in the shower after taking a jog/walk with Stevey.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Waking up

4. What were you doing 5 minutes ago?
Reading my friends' journals since I haven't been on here in a long while.

5. Are you any good at math?
Hell no, but I did manage to make an A in algebra after having to take remedial math courses in college.

6. Your prom night?
My date was just one of my friends, so we hung out with other friends and went to IHOP and Wal-Mart. We also watched movies and played Halo. I got sprayed with silly string.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
I don't know many specifics about my ancestry.

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
Oh God, don't remind me.

9. Did you notice that there was previously no question #9?
Erm...I stolded it!

10. Last thing received in the mail?
Girl Scout cookies from my seester! No one told me that my niece had just joined!! Thin Mints...mmm...

11. How many different beverages have you drunk today?
Water and orange juice

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
On their voicemail...does that count?

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Green Day was my first real concert. The others were local bands that I can't name...mostly Christian bands because I were invited!

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
I haven't been to the beach in a bit, but I write and draw stuff in the sand, probably including my name.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
I've only ever had a couple cavities filled. It didn't hurt, but I hated the fact that my mouth was so numb afterward. I had one of those little cotton roll thingies under my tongue and didn't even know it until a couple of hours later.

16. What is out your back door?
Patio, chicken pen, dog pen, firepit, trees, grass...

17. Any plans for Friday night?
sleep? study? drink?

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
I have curly hair and it makes it nice and frizzy. It's not so great, but I don't care.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn?
Heck yes, and I love them.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
When I was a chillen...back in dem dere days.

21. Do you drunk dial people?
No, because drinking makes me sleepy or...if Stephan is around...yeah, but I don't have time to be callin' nowheres.

22. Some things you are excited about?
Graduation next December, Stephan's family coming for a visit, Spring Break

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
I don't eat gelatin. I'm a vegetarian.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No

25. Describe your keychain:
Keys, Space Needle keyring, old skeleton key that we found in my Dad's Dodge Powerwagon when we were kids, picture of my niece, dog tag with a message on it from my parents, and a Canada keyring...oh, and a chicken one...and one with hearts.

26. Where do you keep your change?
in my wallet

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
last semester, but I have to give a presentation in Spanish class on Tuesday

28. Do you sleep with the door to your bedroom open or closed?
Closed

29. What's your excuse for this survey?
I'm taking a break from work

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 09:55:49 GMT

I have a new, crazy scheme to keep up with my schoolwork this semester. I'm going to work a week ahead on everything over the weekends. I hope that this way, I might be able to hold down a job while making good grades. My gpa is a 3.7 right now, but I want it a little higher than that before I graduate.

I'm applying for waitressing jobs. I wonder how I'll be as a waitress. Sometimes I'm not very good at interacting with people. I was going to try for the telecommunications operator job again (because it pays really well) but I don't know if I can handle a very stressful job and training while completing the work for three upper-level English courses and one Spanish course with a vague teacher. I guess I just feel like a waitressing job is my only option as far as a gig that I can do very part-time and still maybe make a little bit of money.

Stephan and I bought some of those exercise band thingies. The set that we bought came with a workout dvd and it seems like it's actually worthwhile. Stephan had been using his sister's bowflex before he moved here and he had been wanting to look for a used one. I was worried about it taking up too much space, not to mention the cost. These exercise bands are supposed to work well in lieu of that kind of equipment, so I guess we'll stick with them for a while and see. All of my muscles are sore from using them. I'm also still on my slim-fast diet, but I've begun limiting myself to one shake a day and a meal at night. I feel bad because I cheated tonight and had more dessert than I should have. I worked out, but I guess I should have done two workouts to burn the extra calories.

We still don't know if Stephan is going to Georgia. His mom may need surgery, but they have not yet decided. My dad has offered to buy him a plane ticket. I wish I could go with him. I'm so worried. He keeps his feelings to himself in situations like this and I know that he doesn't even want to think about it. I hate knowing that he's probably all torn up inside and there's nothing I can do. I love him so much.

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 07:42:01 GMT

Well, it's sorta late and I should be getting ready for bed, but I've been surfing Facebook instead. It's funny how I've managed to alienate people at school just by being quiet! Yay! Haha.

I guess it's kinda weird, too...I never really feel the need to interact with people at school at all. I think it's because they're all a little younger than I am and I feel old, even though I'm just as immature as they are. Anyway, I have started this first week of school off in grand style, skipping two whole days of class. I have promised myself not to skip anymore until at least mid-semester, though.

But yeah, I've been thinking about all of that. Stephan is my best friend. I never feel the need to hang out with anyone other than him. We have each other and thus far, we still really enjoy just being with each other. I do value my friends, but none of them really live around this area anymore so I don't get to hang out with them now. I have a couple of friends that I talk to on the phone and a couple on-line and I'm happy with that. I don't know why I've never been very social. Growing up, my sister was always the one with tons and tons of friends and I always had one or two who were really good friends. I guess it's hard for me to feel close to people all the time (family excluded, because I have always been very close with all of my immediate family) unless I live with them or spend a lot of time away from school with them. I'm closer to Stephan than I've ever been with any guy. I never attained this level of intimacy with any of my ex boyfriends because I guess I never felt completely, absolutely comfortable with any of them, to be honest. We never run out of things to talk about and I love coming home to him. We were sitting on the sofa together tonight and he asked me if I would marry him. I don't think he meant it to be official yet, but it still gave me all sorts of butterflies. I love him and I hope we're together forever.

I do sometimes feel really guilty about taking him away from Georgia and his family, though. His mom has had some health issues in the past and was in the hospital yesterday. If he decides he wants to go home for a while, I'm going to buy him a plane ticket. I wish that we all lived closer together, but I guess a twelve-hour trip isn't too awful. They may come to visit in March if his mom is well enough to travel by then. I just hope she's going to be okay.